An Interview with the Writers

THE SCENE: A darkened off-Broadway theater. Onstage an anxious interviewer awaits the arrival of the creators of The Musical of Musicals (The Musical!). Without warning the lights come up revealing Musical of Musicals creators Joanne Bogart and Eric Rockwell poised casually on a ladder. The interview begins.

Eric Rockwell and Joanne Bogart

Interviewer: Before we continue, is there any reason for the two of you to be on that ladder? You weren't actually doing any painting or set construction, were you?

Eric and Joanne: (glancing at each other sheepishly) Uh, no, not really. We thought we looked cute and casual up here but, I guess ... (They climb down awkwardly and sit on chairs like normal people. They then assume another 'casual' pose.)

Interviewer: Now, The Musical of Musicals (The Musical!) is actually five musicals in one, each with the same plot but done in the style of a different famous Broadway composer. Could you tell the audience a bit about this ambitious and brilliant pastiche that has the critics kvelling?

Joanne: (Clearly out of her depth) Well, okay, but there is no pastiche served during the show. Just some Corn at the very beginning ... (with a sudden burst of confidence) … a very good place to start.

(They all laugh nervously and too heartily at that familiar reference. After a short silence, the interview continues ... )

Interviewer: Our audience is already familiar with Rodgers and Hammerstein shows like Oklahoma!, Carousel, The King and I and South Pacific. How did you go about capturing their sensibility?

Joanne: How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? Well, the setting is a farm. With corn. Lots of corn. Rows and rows of corn. Corn coming out of every imaginable place. A tremendous amount of corn. The keyword here is corn. The place: Kansas. The time: August. The hero is Big Willy, a wholesome, optimistic farmer/cowman/carnival barker. He's in love with June, who is also wholesome and optimistic, but a little bit sassy.

Eric: The villain is Jitter, the evil landlord, who is neither wholesome nor optimistic. That's why he's the villain.

Joanne: Then there's Mother Abby, who is both wholesome and optimistic, and as inspirational as a mezzo can be. They live in a world where horses wink at them, rivers whisper songs and larks learn to pray. It would be downright spooky, if it weren't so wholesome and optimistic. But it is.

Interviewer: Speaking of downright spooky, that leads us to your next musical in the style of Stephen Sondheim. How does the Sondheim style differ from Rodgers and Hammerstein?

Joanne: Forget wholesome. Forget optimistic. Forget that you came to the theatre to be entertained. No. You came here to think. THINK. Think deep, dark thoughts. Think concepts. Think wordplay. Think about the depths of human depravity. Think about how isolated we all are from one another. Think about ... (She drifts away, lost in thought).

Eric: (staring grimly) In this version, the landlord is a demented artist intent on savagely murdering his tenants in order to use their corpses as material for his conceptual art. It's the perfect subject for a musical comedy!

Interviewer: (Relieved) Musical comedy! That immediately brings to mind your Jerry Herman-style musical.

Eric: An aging star. A staircase. An adoring chorus. Hummable melodies.

Joanne: Jerry Herman shows are life-affirming. The stars of Jerry Herman shows are usually middle-aged women. If not, they are middle-aged men dressed up as women. In any case, they are life-affirming. They are surrounded by chorus people who affirm life to the point of hysteria.

Eric: The bad guys are the party poopers who disapprove of their lifestyles. (Suddenly turns to Interviewer) I hope you don't disapprove of their lifestyle. That would mean you're not life-affirming. And that's bad.

Interviewer: (Alarmed) No! I love life! I affirm it! That's why I write about musicals! (This seems to reassure them all). So ... now we come to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Eric: Andrew Lloyd Webber has three names, which is more than I can say for any of these other writers.

Joanne: The Queen of England loves Andrew Lloyd Webber so much, she knighted him. Now he has three names plus a title. Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. What else can I say? Who am I to criticize? I don't have any title. Why, the Queen of England doesn't even know I exist! She doesn't call, she doesn't write. Don't get me started.

Interviewer: And Kander and Ebb?

Eric: Well, for starters, we knew we needed a good setting for all that jazz, booze and sex, so we decided to have the action take place in a cabaret in Chicago. Although for some reason, they have German accents.

Joanne: But who cares? So what? It’s a musical!

The preceding article is a fictitious interview with the creators of The Musical of Musicals (The Musical!) It has been reprinted with the permission of the author, Joanne Bogart.